Why Girls in Pakistan Elope
By Amna Gilani • May 3rd, 2009 • Category: Misc, Worth A Second Look • 72 CommentsRunning away with one’s beloved secretly is as common as anything in Pakistan. Stories of girls leaving their home without permission of anybody with some lover can be found in any neighborhood and social taboos have failed to stop this trend. With the current technology of mobile phones and internet available, planning for eloping is more easy than ever, and that is why there usage should be watched out by the parents and guardians.
But the question remains as why exactly the Pakistani girls leave their home, their parents, their life and everything for some other boy who just offers some loving and soothing words and some promises and dreams and nothing else? Girls are made from love. They love and they are to be loved. They can give their lives in lieu of some tender and soft words and they believe on the loving words and they become just blind and mad when it comes to romance. It’s natural and this is the way things are with them.
Eloping of girls is really nothing to do with the poverty or having-not. It might be true in some cases but normally girls run away from house by believing on the promises of some lover. Unfortunately, very rarely the promises and dreams materialize. More often than not, the girls either ends up in some brothel, or commit suicide or just lives a hellish life, or if she is lucky she returns to her family but stigma remains attached to her and her family for life and she often gets murdered in the name of honor killing.
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You just said in your last email that these girls get killed for no reason in the name of “honor” but here you show how these girls run away. You have many other postings that tell us about the bad things girls do there. Maybe these are the reasons some of these “honor” killings occur.
I disagree with you that girls are made of love and these girls are fooled because of it. Maybe you should consider their education. No not in school, but from the tv. Everyone loves indian movies and watches them so why wouldn’t they go crazy and stupid to run away. After all that is all they show in indian movies.
When you have parents trying to protect them by taking away their phones and stuff then the liberals start crying girl abuse.
Everyone is to blame.
a
@ Shahid; Girls don’t need parents permission to marry in Islam. Know Islam, and then talk about it.
As you sow so shall you reap. They betray their parent’s and family’s name, and in return they get betrayed by their lovers. Its a simple phenomenon of this world.
Traditions between different Muslim societies are similar. They are characterized by being conservative, particularly in case of problems concerning their daughters. Therefore, the reasons of elopement are similar in the Muslim societies, including family disintegration, violence against the girls or harassment, influence of friends, imitation of what is broadcast in satellite channels, weak role of schools and lack of home monitoring on the girl’s behavior.
A statistical study conducted by Saudi Arabia Ministry of Interior indicated that elopement of girls has seriously increased, as the ministry registered 850 cases in 2007. Egypt witnessed the highest number of girls’ elopement as over 7 thousand eloped, according to the latest statistics the same year.
The problem of girls suffering abuse at home and running away from intolerable situations is neither new in Pakistan nor confined to particular sections of Muslim society. It is an age-old and deep-rooted phenomenon and until recently was shrouded in secrecy and silence and ignored by the authorities.
Two factors are at the root of this transformation. First, a new generation of girls recognize that they have rights and are no longer prepared to put up with domestic abuse. By running away from home, these girls both register a protest and seek to change their situation. Women liberation and the birth of a reformist movement, also brought a less ideological approach to social problems, which has gradually opened a space for a public debate on many taboo subjects.
is this not what you wrote in your last post?
We really need to get back to our roots.
@ good guy
The girls do need her wali (guardian)’s approval to have a valid Islamic nikah. There are so many hadiths where the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wassalam) said that a girl’s marriage without the approval of her wali is invalid.
I’ll post the hadiths later.
It is only the hanafis (of pakistan) who believe that the girl need’s her wali’s approval to get married but if she does without it then it is acceptable. But this is contrary to the Sunnah and the hadiths of the Prophet (sallallahu alyahi wassalam).
A wali is a male relative of the girl to whom marriage is forbidden forever. It includes, father, brother (through blood), maternal/paternal uncle, maternal/paternal grandfather, and sons (if she is a divorcee or a widow).
Because they are tired of things and want to leave life the way they want to. Religion is good but you have to understand the modern things as well. The time when the Hadiths was written, the age was different, and also the Quran is bigger than a Hadith (Shahid, Am I right?). In Quran I don’t think it is mentioned anywhere that the approval is required.
@ Shahid: You are COMPLETELY WRONG. It is actually the hanafis who believe a girl does NOT need some bastard’s approval.
Contd.. I’m waiting for the ahadith
@ DC: Is your comment an attempt at humour?
Dear Shahid,
We are humans. Girls are humans.If they commit mistakes and suffer, what right you as male got to do the honour killing?
Can you show a hadith for this honour killing as you show so quickly about permission of walis?
Shahid is ignorant about this “permission of walis” as well, he will do himself some good by doing a bit of research on it. Few years back there was decent amount of public discourse on it, a bit of sincere efforting will help him access the scholarly arguments and legal basis. There is also a couirt case deciding this anomaly once for ever. Hopefully!
I did not say anything about wali having permission to kill her womenfolk. Read my post again and see for yourself. There is no permission in Islam for honor killing. Killing is only allowed in the case of adultery and that too cannot be carried out by civilians but only the government (after due process).
Aftab has just shown his ignorance for which he can’t even defend anymore. You cannot call someone ignorant unless you have something prove it and some public discourse is not a proof of anything but you hearing of something that happened somewhere (just like a fairy tale).
@good guy
So you think the girl’s father is a bastard? Some view you have.
What you say maybe the belief among the people around you, the ones who say they are hanafi and muslims but preach Islam based on what people do, not what Islam says.
I think I’m going to have to make my sentences short and simple since people seem to be getting confused about what I’m saying.
I said hanafis belief you need a wali but if the girl gets married without one then the marriage is considered valid. The other schools of thought belief the girl needs a wali for marriage and if she marries without one then the marriage is not valid.
Shahid, you might like to read my comment one more time, it might make some snese the second time around. You might or might not be ignorant generally ( it neither concerns me nor interests me!) , however, your contention regarding “Wali” and his permission etc. proves your ignorance. Period.
aftab, you still have yet to provide proof that there is no need for a guardian. Either you know the truth and you are lying or you are ignorant about it wish to remain so.
A woman cannot marry herself to a man, that is was prostitutes do. A wali cannot marry her to a man, she has to accept it.
It’s a check and balance system. Women can’t marry themselves off without a guardian and the guardian can’t marry them off without their permission.
See the ahadith below, talks about both points I mentioned.
It was narrated that Abu Moosa (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali (guardian).” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1101), Abu Dawood (2085) and Ibn Majaah (1881); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Narrated Al-Qasim: A woman from the offspring of Ja’far was afraid lest her guardian marry her (to somebody) against her will. So she sent for two elderly men from the Ansar, ‘AbdurRahman and Mujammi’, the two sons of Jariya, and they said to her, “Don’t be afraid, for Khansa’ bint Khidam was given by her father in marriage against her will, then the Prophet cancelled that marriage.” (See Hadith No. 78) (Book #86, Hadith #99)