The Pakistani Spectator

Somewhere in January 2008, the day of the Business Plus interview (written as per the characters linguistic skills)

I open my eye and look out of blanket, whole house still, very quiet. I think of Abba Jee lying in his grave, I wonder if they make lassi in heaven?

Kulsoom screams from somewhere, mian sahib dopahar ho gai. I think why I say no to Meera, Meera don’t care dopahar ho ke raat ho. She always ready Meera good Kulsoom bad.

I lower feet to ground, very cold I think. Almost as cold as palace in Saudi Arabia but with better food. I shout to cook 3 anda & 4 paratha and 2 lassi phar laa. He shout back..i walk to dining room.. sit at table in pajama. First I used to wear only loongi, now I modern since Saudi, now I wear pajama. It baby blue in colour, very nice Meera likes it.

I eat breakfast, look at paper. Same thing different day, Mustanda General not listen. I told British home secretary on phone last night, he never listen, he bad man..very bad man. Cook brings food I eat, I drink lassi it taste sour after my friends death. She good lady, first I think she bad when I fight her in government. Then I meet her in Dubai, I meet her in London, then I think Asif bad she good. Then she send me flowers on birthday, I cry in my egg. I miss her. She like elder sister, she speak English good also, explain everything to me.

I walk to drawing room, Abba Jee made too big house, hard walking from one room to next. Maybe I speak to Shahbaz, he put in one of those escalator yes, like at Jeddah airport. Save time and keep healthy. I wait, today business plus Lady coming to interview. Very nice lady, good dudus, almost like Meera very nice even thin, I like.

Nakar come, announce arrival, I run. I still in pajama, baby blue pajama, me don’t think business plus lady like that. I return after half hour, wearing shalwar kamiz and waist coat. Make me look good, I need to look good, that why I got new hair also. It hurt but I look younger, Meera like also.

I go into room she sit there with cameraman, she look nice, I offer lassi she say no, I offer water she say no, she very nice. Maybe she want whiskey. Abajee no allow whiskey in house, but maybe Tehmina bhabi have some. Shahbaz like whiskey, he lion of Punjab.

So interview start, she ask question I answer, all time think of nice lady who died. She ask difficult question I not thinking still answer. She seem very happy, she come closer, my waistcoat button open. She ask some more, now I not so happy, now I getting uncomfortable, why she ask about storming court. I dant like such thing, I dant want to remember, I getting angry. She not so good!! I ask her to give me tape, she speak something difficult in english, something “property” I get very angry I try to grab camera!! Both camera guy and interview girl get up, I scream at nakars, I scream for Shahbaz, but he do not come. Nakar come we lak up girl and cameraman in room, we go outside.

I very upset, call up few people. They say mian sahib let lady go, I don’t want to let lady go I want to do bad things to her for that interview. Then after few hrs they give me tape, I let them go, I offer lassi as parting gesture but interview girl scream at me, puts finger towards ceiling I think maybe she cursing me, I tell her to get out. I very very upset now, I stumble back to bedroom this very bad day, very evil day I hate this. I get in bed, I close my eye, I think of malishia and lots of good lassi and Abajee, I get calm, I relax tomorrow I call sheeda and fix all.