Domestic Violence
By Tanzeel • May 18th, 2009 • Category: Misc • 11 Comments“If a person gives 1,200 riyals (320 dollars) to his wife and she spends 900 riyals (240 dollars) to purchase an abaya from a brand shop, and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment,” Saudi Judge
Surprisingly domestic violence is a rapidly growing problem of Islamic countries, though Quran clearly denies any sort of violence on women in anyway however our learned scholars through different interpretations have finally drawn conclusion to beat wife. I won’t say those men of our society take their wives as their property since nobody damages his property but more than that, i.e. animals.
I acknowledge in some cases wives are not innocent either but beating is not a solution at all. Dialogue is the only way to settle domestic issues and if in case things go beyond dialogue we can always have an option to discontinue relationship legally. When the process of marriage takes place through negotiations then what on earth makes men allow settling rest of the issues through violence.
Those who bring religious justifications to beat their wives should think on humanitarian lines as well, sometimes we don’t have to believe in each and everything just because some scholar feel that their women should be treated like that, with due respect I would suggest that Saudi Judge to stop portraying false image of Islam and avoid mixing culture with religion.
On the other hand women should also try to understand the psyche of their men and understand the fact that their husbands do their level best to provide them a good life however wives should be aware of their rights and become vocal against domestic violence, if they think they are being treated unjustly they should take the issue to maximum level and realize their respect. There must not be any compromise on self respect.
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Tanzeel
Your last two paragraphs are good and depicts the beauty of married life but it dosnt match with your example given on initial lines.Arabic culture is very rigid regarding married life and normally it is seen that both partners are very aggressive and hostile to each other after passing some period of life.Therefore in Arab culture you find that married women prefers the company of women and children in their leisure times and married men want to sit in cafe watching footballs or bars in free times.
But we have much beautiful colours of married life in our sub continent culture if our people grow up in good environment and as the time passes this bond becomes more stronger and vibrant.
The girl child brought up in abusive culture feels no humiliation of facing the abuses from her spouse as part of life style so she is unable to react against such human violation but girls grow up in liberal culture strongly react on first act of abuse that sometimes end their married life earlier than those who take risk of tolerating this awful behavior in the hope of good times coming in near future.
Your this statement should be written on the top of each Nikkha nama that there should be no compromise on self respect whatever the difficult times come in one’s life.It might help some suppressed men and women to upgrade their level of honor and respect for their dignified married lives.
Well said Nazia.
I would also want you to write for my blog as well, would you ?
tanzeel
I have read your blog and found interesting but really I have no talent and patience to write as an article as I enjoy my practical life style more than sitting on computer for more than hour.Writing is very serious issue and you people are doing very well.I need long time to think of sitting like quite person and create something as you people are doing.I found your this article interested as I practically handled some cases of domestic violence in our and arab culture and thats why I want to share my experience with you.Same I will do in future .
i am asking both of you nice ladies.
would you be able to define an islamic culture. . . i understand you won’t ever. lets suppose for the sake of argument you can define, then how will it be?
what is going on in saudi is part of arab culture, i agree but is this culture against what islam says? have you ever studied religion? how much??
Remember you study for four long years to get a small degee, say, in economics or any other subject. but do u learn everything about the subject after studying hard for four years??
as a matter of fact, No!
Did you ever notice that becoming a mechanic one spends 10 year in a workshop to become adept or at least understand what the seniers are doing. . .
Do you know it take 4,5 years hard struggle to understand the art of sewing or at least sewing in the proper way. . . . keep in mind all these things.
and then ask yourself how much have u studied in a proper way ur religion. . you haven’t i know then how can you remark over a thing which you do not know about??
sisters,
This is a menace today that every second person, even not knowing the basics of religion, start talking about the most senstive and complicated issues.
my sisters, do you one thing?
There is nothing like that in Islam, radical muslim, extremist muslim, moderate muslim, secular muslim or whatever. . .
in Islam there is no such cetegories for muslim either you are muslim or not a muslim at all., right?
those who follow the teachings of Islam or at least accepting it with all senses are muslims or otherwise. (in fact taqwa is something different)
and before i forget please read sura Noor and try to understand it then perhaps we might discuss it further in simpler words.
thank you.
Dr tahir shaihb
I really couldnt understand your judgment that on what basis you have given us brief lectures of Islamic norms.We all are born Muslims and raised in Islamic culture so how you think of pointing fingers on us without any knowledge.Islam in Pakistan was and is being extinguished mostly by religious scholars who studied only Islam for 16 years and not people like us any way harm its single verse and passing our lives as per limitation put on us by our culture and religion too.
How you are putting your religious point of view is quite irrelevant as Mr tanzeel discussed it as normal social issue and in same tone I replied him on the basis of my personal observation.
From where and which side you are linking the surah noor in this family covering issue as surah noor mostly gives revelation on adultery and its punishment issues.
It also gives us idea of fair and sincere married lives and as Muslims or normal human beings it is normal practice to follow rules of modesty for the selection of your right partners by your choice.
So kindly see the little effort of tanzeel as he is just giving us sociological aspect of married lives in different cultures and also pointed out a strong human instinct “self respect” that usually lacks in our existing so called Islamic culture.
So next time please highlight exact point that is ambiguous to you as in surah noor it is clearly said like that
15. Behold ye received it on your tongues and said out of your mouths things of which ye had no knowledge; and ye thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of Allah.
16. And why did ye not when ye heard it say? “It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to Thee (our Lord)! this is a most serious slander!”
17. Allah doth admonish you, that ye may never repeat such (conduct) if ye are (true) Believers.
18. And Allah makes the Signs plain to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.
19. Those who love (to see) scandal published broadcast among the Believers, will have a grievous Penalty in this life and in the Hereafter: Allah knows and ye know not.
20. Were it not for the grace and mercy of Allah on you, and that Allah is full of kindness and mercy, (ye would be ruined indeed).
21. O ye who believe! follow not Satan’s footsteps: if any will follow the footsteps of Satan he will (but) command what is indecent and wrong: and were it not for the grace and mercy of Allah on you not one of you would ever have been pure: but Allah doth purify whom He pleases: and Allah is One Who hears and knows (all things)
Tahir
allah kay banday, just see the topic you are just taking discussion toward different side or in simple word if tanzeel is going toward left then you are taking right turn.Your long discussion is mostly related with modern women and their deviation from Islamic laws mostly applied in saudi culture.try to focus on the topic and when ever the issue of hijab or on women dress code will come then we will discuss it as per yours points.Read carefully the topic is domestic violence in Islamic cultures.
You have all rights to put women under your domain in hijab burqah, house arrest, solitary confinement, etc it is your personal choice but dont try to impose such restrictions on other’s women as they are out of your parameter.Even you cant force your sister wife and daughter to live as you want using the axe of religion on them.This sometime cause serious domestic violence and oblige women to run away from their closed environment.
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