Desi Born Confused Americans (DBCA)
By Ammar Yasir • May 31st, 2008 • Category: Entertainment • 6 CommentsABCD [American Born Confused Desi’s]; a common name given to the generation who were born and raised in the west but had a Desi (Pakistani, Indian or Bangladeshi) origin. But the generation that I belong to, face a very similar problem but for completely opposite reasons.
Say hello to the Desi Born Confused Americans (DBCA) and wanna-bee’s 
We opened our eyes in Zia’s conservative era with PTV and STN (local channels) as our only exposure to the world but as we grew old the American culture entered our lives through VCR, Satellite, Cable TV and Internet.
But first I want to give you the clear picture of the background where we opened our eyes. Our society like any other dysfunctional is divided into 3 classes. Upper, Middle and Lower class, these classes can further be divided into upper middle class and lower middle class. The criteria which decides our class in the society is a five letter word; “MONEY”. How freaking obvious eh?
So in a nut shell my generation was born and raised by educated but conservative parents. Our folks (parents) spent a good amount of their earnings on our education. The system of education was mostly American. Many of us enjoyed co education, so for us the concept of a guy and girl being friendly was not alien at all.
Now despite the fact that we Muslims claim to believe in equality, we are also proud of our ill logical association with the cast, school of thought, class we belong to. We are Sunni, Shia, Punjabi, Urdu Speaking, Balochi, Pathaan and Sindhi. But yes we hate Israelis because they are dividing the Muslims
A tourist was flying over Pakistan and asked a Pakistani Journalist who was also accompanying him;
“Who Lives on this land?”
He replied, “This piece of land is called Pakistan and Punjabi, Urdu Speaking, Balochi, Pathaan and Sindhi’s live here.”
The poor tourist inquired of his curiosity; ‘So where do the Pakistani’s live?’
So what actually happened when we hit puberty is quite interesting; we got interested in the opposite gender. Yes we got hold of the usual romantic films, where the couples had no problem expressing their love (or what they call it these days). And unlike PG-13 movies real couples do involve in actions which is quite normal for the loved birds but absolutely blasphemous for this society.
But as I have mentioned before we are a class based society. So each class faced different problems.
The Upper Class:
Coming straight from any Hollywood’s teen movie, this group had loads of daddy’s green to spend. Their parents are quite liberal; so they have the resources to party, screw, swap, get high and live the very American Dream they saw Paris Hilton living in Simple Life.
Their Confusion:
Why these cheap are staring me, I am only wearing a see through dress on my sons Parents Teacher meeting?
I am into men, No wait I am into women… no wait, I am into …
Why do you find the concept of swapping complicated?
The Middle Class:
Most of them want to get married to their loved ones but thanks to the parents that have’ what our community will say if you will marry a Punjabi/ Sindhi/ Mahajir?’ mentality halts them to marry the person they thought they love and hence they are obligated to marry a complete stranger. Some guys have to take care of their families so they can’t marry the girl of their dreams. Sadly many of them end up hating their parents and their non sense principles.
This class has the majority of the so called ‘wanna be’s’. They want to be appearing like the upper class. So they spend day in day out to talk, walk , eat, smell like them.
Their Confusion:
Did my wife have an extra marital affair in her college or university days like me?
How can I earn more black money to get my children an upper class life style?
Is my teenage daughter having an affair? Or is my son on drugs?
The Lower Class:
Ever wondered what a guy with no education and no hope for a better future does? He either gets enrolled in a criminal gang or in a religiously fanatic organization. These gangs have a political mask/cover so the youth have no choice but to kill people, snatch mobiles, and become a drug junky.
We have witnessed a new generation of religious youth. Who are brains washed by the Mullahs who safeguard the future of their children by sending these idiots to heaven. So the fact that poverty breeds terrorism is not an alien concept in the third world country.
Their Confusion:
This world is unreal; shall I sacrifice my life as Maulana Sahib tells me to?
I have to feed my poor family; do I have a choice of not selling my body to buy the very food we are deprived of?
Is it my fault that I opened my eyes in this God forsaken class?
Conclusion:
Once again I bluntly pointed out the loop holes in our society without providing the solution. Yes I am pessimistic about the future this society holds. I can see divorces, people ignoring the reasonable approach and drifting towards poles (East and West). But this had to happen; after all we all were forced to watch the American dream in a Pakistani society.
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A nice description of our aged society…
Thank you Mr. Aftab and Tauqeer! I hope we learn from the mistakes we made in our lives and progress towards a better society for the next generations.
Apparently, we all know what confusions ail our society, but has anyone of us tried to become a true Pakistani and a Muslim?
Janaab, you can’t be such an “Ordinary Girl” with wonderfully extra ordinary question.
How about yourself? Can you perhaps explain, based on your own experience and perception, what is it that a “true Pakistani” and a “Muslim” entails? I think that will give a fair basis for all of us who really are interested in becoming one. So, lets go.
Sir,
I am just an ordinary girl, just as confused as others as to how to become a true Pakistani and a good Muslim. I seek guidence from learned person like yourself.
You know what, if you really care the folowing, what Ramla A. has written, should help a little, read it and think about it for a while. It is great, great piece.
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Aftab S. Alam Says:
June 2nd, 2008
Ramla A; as long as there are people like you and Asim among us who have the conviction and the courage to speak the truth as it must be spoken - clearly; we still have reason to hope.
I sincerely hope that after reading your thoughts there are many among us who have been guided, I know I find you as a source of strength.
God bless you and more power to your reasoning.
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Ramla A. Says:
June 1st, 2008
The correct question in life is NEVER “What should we/ I do to another?”
The question is, “What can I do? What could I do that I didn’t do?”
Victim mind-set at the national level is as bad as at a personal level. The violence that has been unleashed in Pakistan is awful, and Musharraf is partly to blame but not entirely - because the lawyers and the politicians and the media too are just egging people on to stay violent. Their statements are scary to any person who has their reason left intact.
Prime Minister Gillani actually seems to have a kinder and saner and more sincere stance. It’s all about sincerity and honesty - which the likes of Nawaz Sharif absolutely lack.
Those who are delusional that a “restoration” of judiciary or political system as it was will do the magic automatically are… delusional. People’s anger has been unleashed; unlike Musharraf, no one is telling them the truth about the food and power crises, the fascist fake religion that has been shoved down the majority’s throat by illiterate pariahs, global power struggles, and SHIFT. No, all truths are being twisted to serve a political, megalomaniacal end.
If people are done with Scapegoat Musharraf, and they realize they STILL don’t have power and safety (which is a function of the factors Musharraf cares for), much more violence will take place. It’s not an abstraction, it’s a reality that is so clear, it’s making us all sick at homes, in markets, in offices.
The only - the ONLY - solution is to stop our rage right now and focus on real issues and real solutions. Forgive the man who withdrew his attack, and negotiate. Let him go easy because the truth is he is no longer popular. Let’s NOT dream that other people’s failure = our success. Our nation is on a very dangerous path, and I fear we will eventually only learn the very hard way.
It had to be!
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Ramla A. Says:
June 1st, 2008
Musharraf chose the path of control, which became his undoing - but his intentions are not evil. He has simply become a scapegoat of a people who are unfamiliar that the crises we are facing are global. That Dr. Qadeer Khan was indeed saved from Guantanamo Bay or worse, and his carelessness is astounding. Iftikhar Chaudhry slipped down over the political banana and from that moment, gave up being a true judge. True judges do not decide guilt before letting a trial run its length.
Musharraf is not the only lame one. And that we have these caricatures of “leaders” in every conceivable sector of life shows how internally weak and flawed and irresponsible we are as a people. I agree with Asim: http://www.pakspectator.com/?p=3097&cp=1#comment-26131
Musharraf’s best move now may be to hand in his resignation, but the Pakistani nation’s blood lust is disturbing. Truly, is it nature that no one ultimately accepts controls, but Musharraf always had a plan of withdrawing control gradually. It’s called a process of maturation, but our nation has refused to grow up, acting like the teenager who fantasizes killing their elders. It’s psychotic.
To imagine that one guy or another will somehow wave a wand and “restore” a mad utopia we have obsessed over as a nation is unrealistic.
I think Musharraf has flawed greatly, but he has also shown great courage. He has protected the nation from certain attack from within and without. He has had the nerves to take down the corrosive Madrassahs and engage the secluded pockets of nationalities and mind-sets in Pakistan. He has paved the way for anyone who now might want to negotiate with dissidents by first showing the dissidents that the state is not weak.
We should have the greatness to forgive his flaws, make the best of what he built over time (but people took no advantage of), and learn from his insight and strategy.
The very fact that we don’t own the past 9 years and rest it all on one man shows that we have played passive victims all along.
May Allah protect Musharraf from vindictive minds, and may Allah enlighten us all.